Diversification of identity

Also: "1202" - Too much on my mind. *bleep bleep bleep*

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Odelia here with Percolations #88. Welcome!

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Financial advisers often say it’s not wise to put all your eggs in one basket.

An all-or-nothing approach to investing, they say, is way too risky for your hard-earned money. You could make it big, but you could also lose everything in a split second.

Methinks a similar mindset could be applied to thinking about the way one invests in and understands one’s self.

The diversification of identity¹ is a powerful framework through which to approach the shifts and changes that happen in life — and inside of you — over time.

I’ve written in a similar vein here and here, but let me explore this concept in more depth one more time

The opening premise: It’s less work for our brains to think of ourselves as just someone who is this somebody or that somebody, instead of acknowledging we are also the many different versions of ourselves.

Photo by Trude Jonsson Stangel on Unsplash

When we only define ourselves by one or two things, we put ourselves at greater risk for imbalance as a person (due to a lack of nuance in connectivity between our identities and the rest of life), as well as opening the door to identity crises whenever something happens to reduce or take away our ability to continue doing or being the things that have defined us.

Things such as: Being a parent, a spouse, a daughter. Doing martial arts, woodcarving, triathlons. Belonging to a community, a place, a trend.

Things come and go — and while it is hard to accept significant and lasting change you didn’t sign up for, I’m learning that it’s easier to let go of identities you’ve outgrown or can no longer keep up if you know who you are in other contexts, doing other things, being with other people.

So, our second premise: A diversified identity makes it easier (and more satisfying) to grow as people and learn new stuff.

It’s like climbing — it’s better to have stabilized yourself on a couple of holds before moving one or two of your limbs to another hold(s). Yes, leaps/skips from one ledge to another are sometimes called for, as are tricky swings from handhold to handhold without feet support. (Not that I could do any of that yet.)

You progress faster when you have some sort of foundation. As long as some of the ways you define yourself are intact, you can keep going forward.

That is one reason why diversifying one’s identity makes sense. In the final analysis, you are responsible for your own happiness and, as much as is within your power, your own peace of mind.

If being aware that you can be a particular version of yourself within a certain context and another version of yourself within another without dishonesty, confusion, or diminishment of self, isn’t that awareness worth something?

There are moral and ethical boundaries to how far this train of thought can or should be actually driven, as well as limitations to a person’s psychological and mental capacities to distinguish and manage the varied aspects of one’s being. For some, it may be “much exhaust” being honest and present and open everywhere, all the time, with everyone when you have multiple you’s to juggle.

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Intermission:

Then again, this is all backstage talk.

The “front stage” is what people think of you, what you think of yourself, who you appear to be to those around you and the you that looks at the person in the mirror. “Backstage” is where the messy shifts, weird lies, and scary truths all crash together and fly apart repeatedly, trying to find ways to make YOU mean something and feel something.

And sometimes, stepping into the backstage is already going too far. It’s like being meta about meta topics — forcing more layers from a layer that might not even exist and definitely do not need to be explored.²

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Really, though, all of us already are different things to different people in different places.

We’re self-aware and adaptive enough (I hope) to not act the same at church or work as we do in clubs or in our bedrooms. We know that those differences doesn’t mean having a mask, but only a filter that makes being with others and ourselves bearable, and maybe even enjoyable from time to time.

(‘Cuz let’s face it — no one needs to know every single nuance of every single breakup you’ve been through whenever a sad love song comes up on the radio.)

So maybe we could just keep being ourselves, and our identities — who we are connected to, the things we do and like, the places that matter to us — would be healthily and fully diversified without our having to tease out all the nuances each time a shift occurs.

But of course I had to go there and drag you with me straight into the depths of a confusing train of thought that could be just as well addressed through a simpler question…

A brilliant interview with Jackson Wang on the development of his new album “Magicman 2” opened with a heavy question Jackson asked himself years ago: “Am I who others think I am, or who I think I am?”

Along the lines of the thoughts in this piece, the answer isn’t necessarily one or the other — it’s accepting that both exist and can co-exist, and what’s more, that both change over time and it’s okay.

You are a singular being, an individual. You are you.

But so much about what “you” means can be mixed-and-matched.

For the sake of balance, however, I should add this: I’ve taken my own advice on identity diversification over the past few years, and have run so hard and fast with it that I know it’s worth considering and applying a little of here and there, but it’s not healthy as a main focus or guiding principle.

So don’t go and do a hundred new things this weekend because you read online that having more than one identity is a good thing. ;)

Identity diversification is important — but more than anything, it’s a cool concept to mull over on days when you feel like you’re more than who you are in what you’re doing or where you are at a given time.³

Anyways. I shall check in again next week. Cheers!

Odelia

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Quotes for the week

Mom was listening to something about T.E. Lawrence recently, and she thought I was similar to the kind of person he was. Which I took as a compliment, quite naturally, given that he is (in some respects) a hero of mine. Not too sure if she meant it in a good way, though. In any case, I have one cool mom.

“Many men would take the death-sentence without a whimper, to escape the life-sentence which fate carries in her other hand.”

“You wonder what I am doing? Well, so do I, in truth. Days seem to dawn, suns to shine, evenings to follow, and then I sleep. What I have done, what I am doing, what I am going to do, puzzle and bewilder me. Have you ever been a leaf and fallen from your tree in autumn and been really puzzled about it? That’s the feeling.”

— T. E. Lawrence

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This week’s word: “1202”

From The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig.

1202

n. the tipping point when your brain becomes so overwhelmed with tasks you need to do, you feel too guilty to put anything off until later, prioritizing every little thing at the top of the list, leaving you immobilized.

(During the lunar descent of Apollo 11, the “1202” alarm sounded just before landing, indicating that the computer was receiving more data than it could process. Pronounced “twelve oh two.”)

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Incoherent thoughts seething,
Lips tense, eyes unseeing -
Yes, it's the stressed-out me emerging. 

Mind awhirl when it's awake
Heart numb over what's at stake
There's too much to give and take.

*** 

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Snapshots of life

• Finally bought half-a-dozen trad arrows for my favourite bow. The nearest archery club/range is at full membership capacity. Backyard practice it is!

• @ Gray Silo Lavendar Farm for a craft market:

• Been going on amazing hikes and gardening shifts these days:

• Two of my favourite things the past week: Organ practice and ramen.

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Give this a listen

Jackson Wang, “Magicman 2.” July 18, 2025.

This may be the music album of the year for me — the journey depicted through each song, the level of care and detail in each music video, the growth and self-awareness Jackson communicates as he explains each song are all powerful and inspiring.

The lyrics to “Everything” capture the entire album quite well, I find:

[Verse 1]
I know it all but I don't know me
I'm falling down
Who's there to catch me?
To catch me

[Pre-Chorus]
For a second could you hold me
I wish someone would've told me
That this shit could get lonely
So lonely

[Chorus]
What I'd lose for something true
For something new
What I'd do to feel alive
To put me through
I'd give everything I have to feel a high
Ease my mind, my mind

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Random things

• The TV show Kill It (2019) is good. It ended how I feared it would, but it is realistic.

• The day has come when I google my name and something other than another human being comes up. Meet ODELIA.

• A friend brought up how strongly I say I stand against unnecessary apologies coming from both myself and others. This week I’ve been taking a closer look at the way I do things and realized that, while I don’t say “sorry” outright unless I mean it, I do a lot of things apologetically. Tones of voices, body posture, word choices in writing…I tend to be more defensive and explanatory than I think I’m being. It’s something I’m working on. :)

• Do you ever get so strong a sense of déjà vu while creating something you feel like scrapping the project before completing it? I’ve lost count of the times I’ve paused writing a Percolations post to run a search on my blog and newsletter archives to make sure I’m not building from scratch what I’ve already shipped. I suspect this happens due to how long ideas roll around in my head as half-written essays before I actually write them, to the point where lines I’m writing for the first time feel too familiar because I’ve read them again and again in my own mind prior. Arg! It annoys me so much. Trying to find a solution. Organizing stuff on index cards and crossing out topics I’ve written on helps, but the spontaneous nature of half my writings — where ideas don’t even get noted down first before I draft them — doesn’t help with this at all.

• A few things that’ve stood out to me this week on what makes a relationship long-lasting:

  • Being confident in yourself and trusting the other person enough to play with them is crucial, but you don’t hack or fake that level of connection and engagement. You just can’t.

  • Have a similar moral baseline. Nothing else matters as much as clarity and synchronicity in this area, especially if you want to build a life and raise kids together.

  • Common interests and same preferences are great to build on, but what is important to you now might not be that important in a few years or decades — but why it is important stays with you. Focus on that, and be with people who match you on that backstage level even if it looks messy on-stage.

• A cool read I’d definitely go over again and again, slowly:

Taste Is the New Intelligence

1. After writing the first draft, I realized I’m taking an extremely broad definition of “identity” here. I’m not sure what other word to use, so it’d have to do.

2. …Subjectively speaking, of course.

3. Which is almost every waking moment for me…