"If you can keep your head when all around you..."
Also: "The Wends" - Tune me in, I'm trying to be here
Odelia here with Percolations #91. Welcome to a slice of my world. :)
The past two weeks have been quite difficult.
And it’s not let up yet.
Without turning this into a trauma-dumping, TMI post, let me just get three things straight:
Car issues: Yes, I totaled my car. No, I’m not hurt. Yes, I am looking for another stick shift. No, it is not easy. Yes, I am still mourning the death of Icarus. No, not with actual tears.
Family issues: Tense, painful, still in a liminal space. ‘Nuff said.
Phone issues: Due to mess-ups between providers as I was attempting a switch away from Public Mobile, I’m back to having only one number, from my old flip. Slowly transitioning digital services to this one, but it’s not easy when the original number is already dead.
Unwanted things tend to happen in batches. Or is it just for me? It’s a curious observation I’ve had the last few times a similar “avalanche” of life events came upon me.
This time, at least, this topsy-turvy time has led to a few positive (still messy and somewhat disappointing) things. I’ve had to move my architectural studies from starting next month to starting next March instead, which is both sad and stress-relieving. Work shifts, friend meet-ups, and community events have had to be cancelled (and continue to be), which slows my pace of life way down and gives me much time to think and properly enjoy the little things.
Two things that I have been up to this week, apart from handling insurance back-and-forths and looking up cars online:
Downsizing my lifestyle and possessions — I have so much stuff. Getting rid of them feels great.
Getting myself acquainted with the CAT S22 FLIP — The CAT! Such a cool phone! You will hear more about it if I manage to fiddle it into becoming my dream phone.
I asked for strength and tenacity, I guess. So I got difficulties enough to have drowned a previous version of me. The irony of the timing of things, the many variations on how a single thing can go wrong after you’ve fixed it already, and just the sheer ridiculousness of situations make me feel like I’m in a sit-com. At least I could laugh about it even while I’m in it.
But sometimes, it also feels like I’m in that crevice I pulled myself into last Saturday while rock-climbing with friends, the sort that continues to narrow until you’re wedged in so tight your shirt’s a lost cause, your feet hang above the ground comfortably, and you could still see a shaft of light on the other end too high for you to ever reach, but just bright enough and real enough that you stay where you are, take a deep breath of misty darkness, then slowly make your way back out.
You get what you ask for in life, I’m learning. It’s a thrilling responsibility.
I have more requests coming after these ones have been fulfilled. And I owe Life a few answers to the questions it’s been asking of me as well.
Until next week! I do have some more thoughtful and intense pieces planned, but so far my mind has yet to find the time and peace necessary to nibble away at some intellectual loop-de-loop (besides the odd existential bickering my mind, will, and soul engage in late at night…).
Odelia
Quote for the week
“I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma.”
– Eartha Kitt
This week’s word: “The Wends”
From The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig.
the wends
n. frustration that you’re not enjoying an experience as much as you should, even something you’ve worked for years to attain, which prompts you to plug in various thought combinations to try for anything more than static emotional blankness, as if your heart had been accidentally demagnetized by a surge of expectations.
*** Tune me in, noise is drowning out signal Even though to this I've given my all; I'm trying to hear what looks like a mime Submerged in the ruthlessness of time. ***
Snapshots of life
Where a sister, some friends, and I did a bit of spelunking last Saturday. It’s the backside of a huge rock/cliff-face where fallen boulders, trees, and random things gather to create an amazing collection of crevices, caves, and other cool spaces. So much fun.
Another picture, because why not:
Give this a listen
I forget if I’ve ever shared EDEN’s music here, but his music is something I never expected I’d like, but found myself loving. In honor of my first car and the things that’ve been flipping my life upside down the past ten days, here is his “Icarus”: